I think I posted about the Eurovision party. I was feeling pretty miserable, so I may not have given the best impression. But one of the good things that came out of that experience was that the partner won a 50 Euro gift certificate to ES4U.
We don't really go into ES4U very much. It's a boutique-type store for men. Yes, that's one of the odd elements of Spanish life. Men (at least the queer ones seem to and I think the heteros do as well) shop in boutique stores for their clothing as much as the women do. The partner and I have, at least in the past, tended toward the simple mass-market-type clothing stores. We're not all about the couture and all that. In fact we're both pretty good candidates for the "before" photos on an episode of Queer Eye. Sorry, there are just many more important things in life than wearing this year's Prada. So, I guess I'm an off-the-rack kind of guy.
But anyway we had this gift card. The only thing we knew ES4U sells is underwear. So we set out to buy some new panties. Much to my surprise ES4U has all kinds of clothes. Of course they have underwear too. Lots of it. And nice stuff too. But there were shirts and pants and bathing suits as well as briefs and boxers and jock straps. And the guy working there that day (I think his name is René) is really sweet.
I looked around. To be honest I've worn boxers since the 90s, and the underwear they had in stock was, for lack of a better term, brief. Even the products called "boxers" were briefer than the briefs I've worn in the past. But it would be nice to have some panties to wear to underwear parties and the like, right? So I was shuffling through the rack. Then I made a discovery. One of the pairs of underwear had a sort of pocket in the front, and in this sort of pocket was a sort of foam pad kind of like a Dorothy from the Golden Girls shoulder pad. Yes, these underwear had a crotch pad in them. A veritable wonder bra for your man-parts. No need for that sweaty tube sock. Just don these briefs and it'll look like your junk is at ample half mast at all times.
Now I'm not big down there by any stretch of the imagination. I'm more of a grower not a shower, as they say. But how embarrassing would it be to have someone discover that not only am I not super-well-endowed, but I was faking it with some kind of shoulder pad thing? Why would somebody do that?
Then René pointed out that they have underwear with butt pads too. Yes, you can buy underwear that makes you look like John Holmes in the front and J-Lo in the back. No joke.
But I didn't buy those. They just seemed too dishonest to me. I went for a three-pack of boxers that were on sale for 55 Euros. The partner tried to suggest I get extra-larges, but one of my objectives was to have some form-fitting drawers for show. I got large, in three colors. Pretty impressive for an off-the-rack guy, huh? Right at this moment my underwear is more expensive than all the other articles of clothing I have on combined. I'm used to paying less than 10 bucks for a 5-pack of underwear. Let me have my moment.
But in all seriousness, they are great-fitting very comfortable underwear. And (without pads thank you very much) they sort of hold my junk up front and center and make it look very nice. Well, as nice as it looks anyway. Now I just have one little side effect to deal with: new underwear always makes me kind of randy. I don't know why. It just does. Now I want to show off my front-and center junk. Too bad I don't have a body that looks great around it. Oh well, one thing at a time.
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