Wedding Update

My big accomplishment yesterday was to make invitations for our wedding reception. My whole idea for this wedding has been to keep it simple. I don't want a big ceremony. I don't want a big to do. I just want to be able to say comfortably that this is the man I love and want to be with. I've thrown my lot in with this guy and I intend to stick with it. 

For the reception, we didn't want a meal or anything. We just wanted a small cocktail party-type thing where our guests could drop by and maybe offer some congratulations and have a glass of cava or two. We don't need gifts. Our tiny apartment runneth over already. We don't need a cake. I'm fat enough, thank you very much. 

But these things are not very simple, are they? There are traditions involved. There are expectations. I looked up wedding invitations online. You wouldn't believe the ridiculously formal, sappy, overblown crap people put on their wedding invitations. Stuff like, "As we decide to forsake the world for one another and join in eternal bliss, Joan and Jim wish to have the pleasure of your attendance at our wedding to be held at three o'clock on July eighth at Gothic Catholic Church with a reception to follow at Beamer's Country Club." Ick. 

Let's just tell people about it. Then they can come if they want to. But no, the partner thought we needed to hand out some kind of card so people would remember. Fine, I'll just print out the details on a quarter sheet of paper and we can pass them out like that guy who stands at the intersection of Parellades and Bonaire distributing adds for the various bars and restaurants in town. Apparently it's just not done that way. 

I sure as shit wasn't going to have wedding invitations with all that lace and bows and  pictures of rings and crap. So we went to a paperia (paper store). The partner wanted something off-white. I found some lovely beige-colored paper we could use. But that wasn't fancy enough. We ended up with some bifold card stock in a marbled cream color with matching envelopes. 

Yesterday I set about trying to design the bloody things. I asked the partner if I should include an image on the front of the cards. He suggested "that picture with the two men's hands touching." I told him I didn't think Michelangelo's "Creation of Adam" was exactly appropriate to the occasion. I settled on a double leaf. I'm not a graphic designer or print artist at all, but in the end I think I did alright. I came up with two matching designs: one for the paper invitations and the other to send by email to those people whose addresses we have and those who are too far away. 

I hope it doesn't come across as pretentious or frivolous or rude that we're keeping it simple. We already got one response from one of the e-invitations. It was from someone who likes to think they know a lot about etiquette. But it was curt and fairly offensive. So I'm guessing the invitation somehow bothered that person. I can only guess as to why. I certainly didn't mean any offense.  

The wording on the invitations was as follows:

[front]

You Are Cordially Invited

[little double leaf thing]

[inside]

[The Partner] and Ben invite you to celebrate our marriage

at a reception on July third from three to six o'clock in the afternoon

Cafe Sitges, Calle San Pable, Thirty-two

Hours d'oeuvres and open bar

Casual attire required

Your presence is our gift

R.S.V.P. at bentorbush@gmail.com

There wasn't enough space for me to say just drop in for a while and say hi if you're not too busy that day. We'd just like to celebrate our nuptials with a few people we know and like and you're one of them. There was, however enough space for the partner's desire to make it clear there'd be an open bar; his somewhat tacky phrase, Casual attire required;" and the whole, "Your presence is our gift" thing which is just a wee slip from being the patently absurd phrase, "Your presence is our presents." But the invitations, like our lives together are a collaboration. 

The whole prospect of having a formal affair just gives me the willies. It's not that I'm embarrassed to be married or having second thoughts. It's just that marriage to me is about two people. It's about me and the partner. Nobody else. 

The last time I got married the whole thing became a huge stressful headache with people sending out invitations, throwing showers, buying cakes, wanting to decorate the cars, and trying to add on to what could have been a simple, lovely ceremony. I know they just wanted to show they cared. They just wanted to take part in the whole process of a wedding people have in their heads. But with all the family and friends a hoopla, I barely got to spend time with the person I was trying to marry. Not that that marriage worked out all that great in the end given my latent homosexuality and all. But it's easy to lose focus on what's really important when you get caught up in all that pomp and circumstance. 

So, if you're going to be in Sitges on July 3 and you'd like to stop by, you know where to find us. Don't dress up. Don't feel like you have to bring us presents. And don't expect anything over the top. I'll be one of the guys in white, hopefully standing or sitting close to the other guy in white while we hang out with some of our friends and have a few drinks.