About Drinking Too Much

Once an old friend asked me, "What do you do in Spain on a weekend?" I went into a spiel (probably longer than she really wanted to hear) about the beaches, the restaurants, and of course the bars. The truth is there's not much to do here in Sitges that doesn't involve drinking. The beaches have churringitos (bar/snack huts). The cafes are licensed bars. In fact a friend told me the government license for a cafe and a bar are exactly the same. It's not uncommon to have a drink with lunch and go back to work. And if you don't order wine at dinner, the wait staff will give you strange looks before going to get your bottle of water. 

That said, Spanish culture generally frowns on public drunkenness. People drink, a lot, but usually only the tourists drink to the point of stumbling in the streets. 

Here in Sitges it's easy to get into the habit of drinking too much. I've witnessed new expats struggling with the element of the culture that encourages constant consumption of alcohol. I've experienced it myself. That first year we lived here there were nights I don't remember. I've spent mornings trying to piece together the events of the preceding evening through a hangover haze. I've awakened with concussions, black eyes, and cuts (apparently self-inflicted) that I couldn't explain. 

Not to mention, I have a history of depression. And alcohol and depression mix together to form a lovely cycle of self-loathing and self-medication that isn't easily escaped. 

So this year I decided to change. I looked into AA, and there are English-speaking groups that meet in the Barcelona area. But that particular blend of group dependancy and religious propaganda doesn't appeal to me. And maybe it's just a form of denial, but I don't think I need to stop drinking altogether. What I do need to do is to figure out when to stop. I can have a few drinks on occasion and suffer no ill consequences. The problem is when I get out there and forget to call it a night. 

Add to all this, the partner was told by his doctor that he had to quit drinking. At first it was one drink or wine of beer every now and then is still alright. Then a couple of months ago the doctor said his liver counts were dangerous and he had to quit completely. That hasn't been easy for him. I think his problem with alcohol is worse than mine. 

He was doing great for a while. He replaced alcohol with Bitter Kas, a Pepsi product served as an aperitif that tastes something like a cross between cherry cola and windex served in an unwashed anus. And when we went out to bars without Bitter Kas he drank fruit juice or water. 

But this week he had a major presentation for work that involved traveling to Poland. He had a (just one) drink each of the three nights leading up to his trip, a couple of drinks the first night of the trip, and an absolute meltdown last night. He called me this morning to apologize for not calling me last night. He did call me last night blitzed out of his head on that lovely Polish vodka. He slept through a visit to Auschwitz this morning and woke up with a monster hangover not certain he hadn't drank his way out of a job last night. 

Not that I haven't done incredibly stupid things under the influence. I once wound up in a (allegedly) heterosexual sadist's flat tied up, tortured, and robbed. I once passed out standing in front of the toilet while in the middle of urinating. Concussions and black eyes and wet pants, oh my! Not to mention the usual instances of technicolor vomiting, public ludicrousness, and blistering hangovers. 

So ladies and gentlemen and the rest of you, I don't really know why I'm confessing all this to you. Except to say this is what I'm doing today. I'm searching online for alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm wading through all the quackery and psychobabble and mail order 12-step programs. It's not looking very hopeful yet.