This Is How I Remember U.S. History

Via Slog:

What the Partner Does for a Living

Via See My Briefs:

This is what the partner's conference calls sound like. This is what I listen to all day long as I'm writing to you, ladies and gentlemen and the rest of you:

How the Mormon Stole Everything

Via Joe. My. God.

Really, really NSFW:

More Gay & Lesbian Videos At LogoOnline.com

This is from the Big Gay Sketch Show from Logo, and it is hilarious. Jonny McGovern narrates this bit of comic genius. 

Today In Earbugs

I needed some happy today after I found out Bea Arthur died. Luckily there was a post on Slog about this duo. 

I can think of a few people I should have played this for. 

Something Funny

Lindy West of The Stranger composed a list of all the different kinds of people there are. It was a little bright spot in my day. You should read it too.  Here is a sample:

People Who Don't Believe in Evolution but Love Antibiotics

Seriously? Either you believe in science or you don't. If you want to say sentences to me like "God made the earth 29 years ago out of Billy Graham's stool" or "Every time you take the morning-after pill, Satan has two orgasms," then go ahead and stay away from Dr. Syringey O'Medicine, MD, from here on out. Because you know that pill that made your strep throat go away? Science invented that. For you. Hey, why don't you just pray for God to take care of that root canal? I'll tell you why: Because God didn't go to dental school, because dental schools don't admit people who DON'T EXIST.

Here is the whole thing. And thank you Lindy West for make my day a little nicer. And thank you for reminding me why I read The Stranger online even though I'm not from Seattle not quite confirming everyone at The Stranger's fears that no one not from Seattle and even some from Seattle only read The Stranger because of Dan Savage which is not true because I'm the negative example and I love your work. 

Centaurs are hot

I'm a bit worried about myself because I find this centaur attractive. Does that mean I'm into bestiality just a little bit? No, I don't think so. It's not his horse parts I like. 

TwoThingism? He he. 

Smashing darling, simply smashing!

Via Slog:

Ok, so I've been sick and maybe just a little bit lazy the past few days. But here, have a delicious if pointless video. 

Eat Her

I saw this blog called getthatlook over at Slog and immediately thought of Ad Astra. 

My only complaint is the use of @'s in place of o's. It makes me want to pronounce it "get that laaaack." 

I should warn you some of the posts are NSFW. Some are utterly bizarre. Some of them are so cute they could induce a diabetic coma. Some of them are delicious. The captions are marvelously sarcastic. 

Don't worry, if you go back into the archives far enough they start just being about lamps, so you won't waste too much time on this one. Enjoy.

Silly Commenters, Satire is for Thinkers

Sometimes the comments section in a video is more hilarious than the video itself. Case in point this recent video from EdwardCurrent:

One in five commenters has not bothered to read the category. And you wonder why criminals like George Bush get elected to office in the US.

Some of my friends are Gothic, some of my friends are new wave, some of my friends are straight edge

I'm too tired to post anything new. Maybe tomorrow I'll share my very bizarre travel experiences. So enjoy this video via boing boing in the mean time. 

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Apropos of the Holiday

From AdHack: 

Don't you just love inhuman sexuality?

Misogyny in the Park with George

Via Boing Boing:

I'm sorry, I just needed a little bit of funny to break up the horrible inhuman tragedy that is Valentines Day. It's from a BBC show. 

Enjoy.

Sometimes There Is No Why

via Slog:

The BBC reported yesterday the story of a man who smuggled a few items on a flight from Dubai to Melbourne. I couldn't help but share it. Chief among his smuggled items were two pigeons. TWO LIVE PIGEONS. They were rolled up in padded envelopes and stuffed in a pair of tights he was wearing under his pants. Which begs the question: are there no local pigeons available in Melbourne? He also had some eggs hidden in a vitamin bottle, some seeds hidden in his money belt, and (get this) an undeclared aubergine. An undeclared aubergine for Christ's sake! 

Nothing was said about the angora sheep he had strapped to his thighs. 

 

What I'm Listening To

Like many people I got a new ipod over the holidays this year. So I've had to do my best to fill it like a pinata (I can't make my tilde go on top of my n) with sweet chocolate music, pictures, and podcasts. I went to get a glass of water so I could think of how to extend that metaphor, but I've decided instead to abandon it and just go on. Bleh.

So wanting to listen to good stuff without having to fish through my thousands of songs has lead me to downloading podcasts. Very quickly I have developed strong attachments to several of these. I now, unlike most people in the western world, enjoy workdays better than weekends because my podcasts get updated then. How sad is my life that these random voices I download have become my friends? Actually, I like some of these personalities better than most of my friends. Alas, I shed a tear. 

There are some great and popular things out there. And believe it or not, the two are not always mutually exclusive. Some of NPR's offerings are worthwhile. And I truly do miss me some Terry Gross now that I'm spending most of my time outside the states. So Fresh Air is a must. Also from NPR, I get Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! which is like Hollywood Squares except it's funny, smart, and entertaining.  I also get This American Life, but I think that comes from Chicago Public Radio via NPR. It's very good for filling up large chunks of time. Like when I'm changing trains in Prat de Llobregat and the train that was supposed to arrive at 12 minutes before the hour actually arrived at 13 minutes before the hour causing me to miss it, and the next one doesn't get there for 56 minutes. It reminds me of when I was a kid and got my first cassette recorder for christmas and I went around "interviewing" adults. Except these adults take the kids with the tape recorders seriously, so you get some quality shit. 

Not at all as far as I know associated with public broadcasting is Dan Savage. The Savage Lovecast updates like the blog on Tuesdays. I'm beginning to suspect he's growing weary of the whole naming sex acts after people and organizations we don't like schtick. (But Saddleback is a fucking stupid name for a church.) Beyond that there's a shitload of sex advice, which is good. It's especially fun to laugh at all the morons. Actually, I'd say the show is 10% politics, 20% sex and relationship advice, and 80% laughing at the morons. (Dear blog gods, please don't let my first comment be someone pointing out my math.)

OK, so that's the popular stuff I listen to. Almost everything else I listen to is gay. In the homosexual way, not the stupid way. Hot Gay Comics from Here! is a talk show about, you guessed it, gay comics. It's often funny, but the word hot is way overused these days, and here's a prime example. Also from the queer media world I get something that was called Wisecrack when I first started downloading it. These days it seems to have about three titles depending on what Logo is shunting off as comedy. 

My partner doesn't like it, but another daily podcast I enjoy is Feast of Fools. These guys actually make me want to live in Chicago. And buy their t-shirts. I have to write them and see if they ship internationally. They have some great guests, and even when they don't, it's worth tuning in for their take on gay news and events and just about everything. They led me to Deven Green's podcast. She's about the funniest saucy boozehound in Hollywood. Actually her comedy is largely based on dubbing new vocal tracks over cheesy 80s TV shows. She's not gay but her husband is damn sexy. I also want to buy her t-shirts (and have Joel's babies). 

Last but not least are two podcasts from Lavender Media. Big Gay News is a daily news update with Bradley Traynor. I honestly wonder where he gets his headlines. He seems to know stuff at least a day before every other queer news outlet. Traynor's alter ego is Wanda Wisdom. She's the hostess of Lucky Bitch Radio. Her show is more of a talk show type thing with some news thrown in. It's funny, informative, and often uplifting. And the giant cherry at the top of all this whipped cream is the Random Mini Disco Dance Party, a surprise intrusion of a song from the 70s or 80s in the middle of the podcast. I'm just nelly enough to love it. 

So there you have it. My friends. I mean other than you, ladies and gentlemen and the rest of you. These are my friends who actually talk to me. I only have to press play first. 

A Virgin to "Award-Winning" Cuisine

Ladies and gentlemen and the rest of you, maybe my sense of humor is slightly skewed, but this is the funniest thing I've read in months. I don't know where the Telegraph got it, but I just wanted to share it. It's a complaint letter addressed directly to Richard Branson concerning the food and entertainment on a Virgin flight. Anyone who has been subjected to airline food, EVER, will know exactly what this guy is talking about. 

"Richard...What is that white stuff?"

I saw excerpts first at The Stranger. But you've got to read the whole thing and look at the accompanying photographs. Too bad he doesn't realize what he suffered through was truly above par. 

Random silliness

Years ago a friend tipped me off to Engrish. Today I was bored enough to rediscover it. 

a href="http://engrishfunny.com/2009/01/23/engrish-putifresh-by-lube-sheep/">
see funny english mistakes

Isn't that just...Well, anyway it's something to do if you're really bored.

The text says "Putrifresh...Lube Sheep...Happy fruits is very delicious...I will eat this and will become...fortunate all together!"

Today in Ear Bugs

Trust You-Tubers to take a perfectly inane piece of technology and make it sublime. Microsoft Songsmith creates music to go with your vocal tracks. As if American Idol didn't already drag every tone deaf moron out of their parent's basements. But what happens when you apply Songsmith's magic to established acts?

Sheer craptastic genius.

Beard Song

I saw this on Joe. My. God. today. Now I can't get it out of my head. Damn you Joe. I hate that I love you and your questionable taste in music. 

I (sadly enough) actually like this song. Before you judge me listen to it all the way through. Then let it simmer in your head for a bit. Before you know it..."beards and soup, beards and soup."

BEARD SONG! - watch more funny videos

The beards and man-dates line is just icing on the cake. 

Ben Lerman

Once in a generation (Please god make it only once in a generation) comes an artist who paints with the twin brushes of comedy and the ukulele. I imagine the majority of you clones out in the blogosphere are too young to remember much about Tiny Tim. But his passing left a magnificent vacuum in the entertainment community. Now one stands poised to dip his toes in the kiddie pool-sized shoes of the late ukulele genius. Okay, so maybe I should have discovered Ben Lerman ages ago like everybody else. Or maybe I should just follow the mainstream and ignore the tiny black hole that is the queer ukulele-playing comedy niche. 

No, that shit is just too damn funny. And if you'd like to see more of his material he has a Web site. I highly recommend downloading "Anderson," especially if you have a boyfriend or other loved one who is obsessed with Anderson Cooper as I'm not. Or maybe "The Librarian" for the bibliophile-phile in your life. Anyway check him out.